leave your worries at the door.... and everything else too.

our visit with the lactation consultant yesterday revealed that our "breastfeeding plans and schedules" weren't providing finn quite with what he was needing. and so, once again, i feel overwhelmed and frustrated. he was not eating enough, has not gained enough weight, and still will not latch to the breast. he will latch with a nipple shield, but he only gets a half ounce. i feel like a failure. and if not a failure, then angry as hell that i can't have one bit of this pregnancy go easily and my way. must i give up my dreams of full-on nursing too? it's slowly sinking in that this babe may be a bottle boy shortly and i'm left wondering what good am i, or at the very least what good were the 3 nursing covers i purchased. damn. what a waste. i wonder if i'm giving up too easily since it's only been a week and a half. but i just can't handle this much longer.... and it seems as though he's just not going to do it. so what do i do? be obstinate and continue while driving the 3 of us crazy in the process, or opt for the easier route? which battles should i pick to fight? and will i have to leave all my expectations and principles at the door for absolutely every facet of motherhood? i don't know anymore. i'm exhausted and at the end of my rope. and seriously, it's so frustrating that even eric has resorted to drinking, smoking and man-handling the baby. i kid, but we thought a bad daddy pic would be funny anyway.